Instead of receiving any such letter of excuse from his
friend, as Elizabeth half expected Mr. Bingley to do, he was
able to bring Darcy with him to Longbourn before many days
had passed after Lady Catherine's visit. The gentlemen arrived
early; and, before Mrs. Bennet had time to tell him of their
having seen his aunt, of which her daughter sat in momentary
dread, Bingley, who wanted to be alone with Jane, proposed
their all walking out. It was agreed to. Mrs. Bennet was not
in the habit of walking; Mary could never spare time; but the
remaining five set off together. Bingley and Jane, however,
soon allowed the others to outstrip them. They lagged behind,
while Elizabeth, Kitty, and Darcy were to entertain each other.
Very little was said by either; Kitty was too much afraid of
him to talk; Elizabeth was secretly forming a desperate resolution;
and perhaps he might be doing the same.
They walked towards the Lucases, because Kitty wished to call
upon Maria; and as Elizabeth saw no occasion for making it
a general concern, when Kitty left them she went boldly on
with him alone. Now was the moment for her resolution to be
executed, and, while her courage was high, she immediately
said,
"Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature; and, for the sake
of giving relief to my own feelings, care not how much I may
be wounding your's. I can no longer help thanking you for your
unexampled kindness to my poor sister. Ever since I have known
it, I have been most anxious to acknowledge to you how gratefully
I feel it. Were it known to the rest of my family, I should
not have merely my own gratitude to express."
"I am sorry, exceedingly sorry," replied Darcy, in a tone
of surprise and emotion, "that you have ever been informed
of what may, in a mistaken light, have given you uneasiness.
I did not think Mrs. Gardiner was so little to be trusted."
"You must not blame my aunt. Lydia's thoughtlessness first
betrayed to me that you had been concerned in the matter; and,
of course, I could not rest till I knew the particulars. Let
me thank you again and again, in the name of all my family,
for that generous compassion which induced you to take so much
trouble, and bear so many mortifications, for the sake of discovering
them."
"If you will thank me," he replied, "let it be for
yourself alone. That the wish of giving happiness to you might
add force to the other inducements which led me on, I shall
not attempt to deny. But your family owe me nothing.
Much as I respect them, I believe I thought only of you."
Elizabeth was too much embarrassed to say a word. After a
short pause, her companion added, "You are too generous to
trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last
April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes
are unchanged, but one word from you will silence me on this
subject for ever."
Elizabeth, feeling all the more than common awkwardness and
anxiety of his situation, now forced herself to speak; and
immediately, though not very fluently, gave him to understand
that her sentiments had undergone so material a change, since
the period to which he alluded, as to make her receive with
gratitude and pleasure his present assurances. The happiness
which this reply produced, was such as he had probably never
felt before; and he expressed himself on the occasion as sensibly
and as warmly as a man violently in love can be supposed to
do. Had Elizabeth been able to encounter his eye, she might
have seen how well the expression of heartfelt delight, diffused
over his face, became him; but, though she could not look,
she could listen, and he told her of feelings, which, in proving
of what importance she was to him, made his affection every
moment more valuable.
They walked on, without knowing in what direction. There was
too much to be thought, and felt, and said, for attention to
any other objects. She soon learnt that they were indebted
for their present good understanding to the efforts of his
aunt, who did call on him in her return through London,
and there relate her journey to Longbourn, its motive, and
the substance of her conversation with Elizabeth; dwelling
emphatically on every expression of the latter which, in her
ladyship's apprehension, peculiarly denoted her perverseness
and assurance; in the belief that such a relation must assist
her endeavours to obtain that promise from her nephew which she had
refused to give. But, unluckily for her ladyship, its effect
had been exactly contrariwise.
"It taught me to hope," said he, "as I had scarcely ever allowed
myself to hope before. I knew enough of your disposition to
be certain that, had you been absolutely, irrevocably decided
against me, you would have acknowledged it to Lady Catherine,
frankly and openly."
Elizabeth coloured and laughed as she replied, "Yes, you know
enough of my frankness to believe me capable of that.
After abusing you so abominably to your face, I could have
no scruple in abusing you to all your relations."
"What did you say of me, that I did not deserve? For, though
your accusations were ill-founded, formed on mistaken premises,
my behaviour to you at the time had merited the severest reproof.
It was unpardonable. I cannot think of it without abhorrence."
"We will not quarrel for the greater share of blame annexed
to that evening," said Elizabeth. "The conduct of neither,
if strictly examined, will be irreproachable; but since then,
we have both, I hope, improved in civility."
"I cannot be so easily reconciled to myself. The recollection
of what I then said, of my conduct, my manners, my expressions
during the whole of it, is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly
painful to me. Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never
forget: "had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.''
Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive,
how they have tortured me;—though it was some time, I
confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice."
"I was certainly very far from expecting them to make so strong
an impression. I had not the smallest idea of their being ever
felt in such a way."
"I can easily believe it. You thought me then devoid of every
proper feeling, I am sure you did. The turn of your countenance
I shall never forget, as you said that I could not have addressed
you in any possible way that would induce you to accept me."
"Oh! do not repeat what I then said. These recollections will
not do at all. I assure you that I have long been most heartily
ashamed of it."
Darcy mentioned his letter. "Did it," said he, "did it soon make
you think better of me? Did you, on reading it, give any credit
to its contents?"
She explained what its effect on her had been, and how gradually
all her former prejudices had been removed.
"I knew," said he, "that what I wrote must give you pain,
but it was necessary. I hope you have destroyed the letter.
There was one part especially, the opening of it, which I should
dread your having the power of reading again. I can remember
some expressions which might justly make you hate me."
"The letter shall certainly be burnt, if you believe it essential
to the preservation of my regard; but, though we have both
reason to think my opinions not entirely unalterable, they
are not, I hope, quite so easily changed as that implies."
"When I wrote that letter," replied Darcy, "I believed myself
perfectly calm and cool, but I am since convinced that it was
written in a dreadful bitterness of spirit."
"The letter, perhaps, began in bitterness, but it did not
end so. The adieu is charity itself. But think no more of the
letter. The feelings of the person who wrote, and the person
who received it, are now so widely different from what they
were then, that every unpleasant circumstance attending it
ought to be forgotten. You must learn some of my philosophy.
Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure."
"I cannot give you credit for any philosophy of the kind. Your retrospections
must be so totally void of reproach, that the contentment arising
from them is not of philosophy, but, what is much better, of
innocence. But with me, it is not so. Painful recollections
will intrude which cannot, which ought not, to be repelled.
I have been a selfish being all my life, in practice, though
not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right,
but I was not taught to correct my temper. I was given good
principles, but left to follow them in pride and conceit. Unfortunately
an only son (for many years an only child), I was
spoilt by my parents, who, though good themselves (my father,
particularly, all that was benevolent and amiable), allowed,
encouraged, almost taught me to be selfish and overbearing;
to care for none beyond my own family circle; to think meanly
of all the rest of the world; to wish at least to
think meanly of their sense and worth compared with my own.
Such I was, from eight to eight and twenty; and such I might
still have been but for you, dearest, loveliest Elizabeth!
What do I not owe you! You taught me a lesson, hard indeed
at first, but most advantageous. By you, I was properly humbled.
I came to you without a doubt of my reception. You shewed me
how insufficient were all my pretensions to please a woman
worthy of being pleased."
"Had you then persuaded yourself that I should?"
"Indeed I had. What will you think of my vanity? I believed
you to be wishing, expecting my addresses."
"My manners must have been in fault, but not intentionally,
I assure you. I never meant to deceive you, but my spirits
might often lead me wrong. How you must have hated me after that evening?"
"Hate you! I was angry perhaps at first, but my anger soon
began to take a proper direction."
"I am almost afraid of asking what you thought of me, when
we met at Pemberley. You blamed me for coming?"
"No indeed; I felt nothing but surprise."
"Your surprise could not be greater than mine in
being noticed by you. My conscience told me that I deserved
no extraordinary politeness, and I confess that I did not expect
to receive more than my due."
"My object then," replied Darcy, "was to shew you,
by every civility in my power, that I was not so mean as to
resent the past; and I hoped to obtain your forgiveness, to
lessen your ill opinion, by letting you see that your reproofs
had been attended to. How soon any other wishes introduced
themselves I can hardly tell, but I believe in about half an
hour after I had seen you."
He then told her of Georgiana's delight in her acquaintance,
and of her disappointment at its sudden interruption; which
naturally leading to the cause of that interruption, she soon
learnt that his resolution of following her from Derbyshire
in quest of her sister had been formed before he quitted the
inn, and that his gravity and thoughtfulness there had arisen
from no other struggles than what such a purpose must comprehend.
She expressed her gratitude again, but it was too painful
a subject to each, to be dwelt on farther.
After walking several miles in a leisurely manner, and too
busy to know any thing about it, they found at last, on examining
their watches, that it was time to be at home.
"What could become of Mr. Bingley and Jane!" was a wonder
which introduced the discussion of their affairs.
Darcy was delighted with their engagement; his friend had given
him the earliest information of it.
"I must ask whether you were surprised?" said Elizabeth.
"Not at all. When I went away, I felt that it would soon happen."
"That is to say, you had given your permission. I guessed
as much." And though he exclaimed at the term, she found that
it had been pretty much the case.
"On the evening before my going to London," said he, "I made
a confession to him, which I believe I ought to have made long
ago. I told him of all that had occurred to make my former
interference in his affairs absurd and impertinent. His surprise
was great. He had never had the slightest suspicion. I told
him, moreover, that I believed myself mistaken in supposing,
as I had done, that your sister was indifferent to him; and
as I could easily perceive that his attachment to her was unabated,
I felt no doubt of their happiness together."
Elizabeth could not help smiling at his easy manner of directing
his friend.
"Did you speak from your own observation," said she, "when
you told him that my sister loved him, or merely from my information
last spring?"
"From the former. I had narrowly observed her during the two
visits which I had lately made here; and I was convinced of
her affection."
"And your assurance of it, I suppose, carried immediate conviction
to him."
"It did. Bingley is most unaffectedly modest. His diffidence
had prevented his depending on his own judgment in so anxious
a case, but his reliance on mine made every thing easy. I was
obliged to confess one thing, which for a time, and not unjustly,
offended him. I could not allow myself to conceal that your
sister had been in town three months last winter, that I had
known it, and purposely kept it from him. He was angry. But
his anger, I am persuaded, lasted no longer than he remained
in any doubt of your sister's sentiments. He has heartily forgiven
me now."
Elizabeth longed to observe that Mr. Bingley had been a most
delightful friend; so easily guided that his worth was invaluable;
but she checked herself. She remembered that he had yet to
learn to be laughed at, and it was rather too early to begin.
In anticipating the happiness of Bingley, which of course was
to be inferior only to his own, he continued the conversation
till they reached the house. In the hall they parted. |