If Elizabeth, when Mr. Darcy gave her the letter, did not
expect it to contain a renewal of his offers, she had formed
no expectation at all of its contents. But such as they were,
it may be well supposed how eagerly she went through them,
and what a contrariety of emotion they excited. Her feelings
as she read were scarcely to be defined. With amazement did
she first understand that he believed any apology to be in
his power; and stedfastly was she persuaded that he could have
no explanation to give, which a just sense of shame would not
conceal. With a strong prejudice against every thing he might
say, she began his account of what had happened at Netherfield.
She read, with an eagerness which hardly left her power of
comprehension, and from impatience of knowing what the next
sentence might bring, was incapable of attending to the sense
of the one before her eyes. His belief of her sister's insensibility,
she instantly resolved to be false, and his account of the
real, the worst objections to the match, made her too angry
to have any wish of doing him justice. He expressed no regret
for what he had done which satisfied her; his style was not
penitent, but haughty. It was all pride and insolence.
But when this subject was succeeded by his account of Mr.
Wickham, when she read, with somewhat clearer attention, a
relation of events, which, if true, must overthrow every cherished
opinion of his worth, and which bore so alarming an affinity
to his own history of himself, her feelings were yet more acutely
painful and more difficult of definition. Astonishment, apprehension,
and even horror, oppressed her. She wished to discredit it
entirely, repeatedly exclaiming, "This must be false! This
cannot be! This must be the grossest falsehood!"—and
when she had gone through the whole letter, though scarcely
knowing any thing of the last page or two, put it hastily away,
protesting that she would not regard it, that she would never
look in it again.
In this perturbed state of mind, with thoughts that could
rest on nothing, she walked on; but it would not do; in half
a minute the letter was unfolded again, and collecting herself
as well as she could, she again began the mortifying perusal
of all that related to Wickham, and commanded herself so far
as to examine the meaning of every sentence. The account of
his connection with the Pemberley family was exactly what he
had related himself; and the kindness of the late Mr. Darcy,
though she had not before known its extent, agreed equally
well with his own words. So far each recital confirmed the
other; but when she came to the will, the difference was great.
What Wickham had said of the living was fresh in her memory,
and as she recalled his very words, it was impossible not to
feel that there was gross duplicity on one side or the other;
and, for a few moments, she flattered herself that her wishes
did not err. But when she read, and re-read with the closest
attention, the particulars immediately following of Wickham's
resigning all pretensions to the living, of his receiving,
in lieu, so considerable a sum as three thousand pounds, again
was she forced to hesitate. She put down the letter, weighed
every circumstance with what she meant to be impartiality—deliberated
on the probability of each statement—but with little
success. On both sides it was only assertion. Again she read
on. But every line proved more clearly that the affair, which
she had believed it impossible that any contrivance could so
represent as to render Mr. Darcy's conduct in it less than
infamous, was capable of a turn which must make him entirely
blameless throughout the whole.
The extravagance and general profligacy which he scrupled
not to lay to Mr. Wickham's charge, exceedingly shocked her;
the more so, as she could bring no proof of its injustice.
She had never heard of him before his entrance into the ——shire
Militia, in which he had engaged at the persuasion of the young
man, who, on meeting him accidentally in town, had there renewed
a slight acquaintance. Of his former way of life, nothing had
been known in Hertfordshire but what he told himself. As to
his real character, had information been in her power, she
had never felt a wish of enquiring. His countenance, voice,
and manner had established him at once in the possession of
every virtue. She tried to recollect some instance of goodness,
some distinguished trait of integrity or benevolence, that
might rescue him from the attacks of Mr. Darcy; or at least,
by the predominance of virtue, atone for those casual errors,
under which she would endeavour to class what Mr. Darcy had
described as the idleness and vice of many years continuance.
But no such recollection befriended her. She could see him
instantly before her, in every charm of air and address; but
she could remember no more substantial good than the general
approbation of the neighbourhood, and the regard which his
social powers had gained him in the mess. After pausing on
this point a considerable while, she once more continued to
read. But, alas! the story which followed, of his designs on
Miss Darcy, received some confirmation from what had passed
between Colonel Fitzwilliam and herself only the morning before;
and at last she was referred for the truth of every particular
to Colonel Fitzwilliam himself—from whom she had previously
received the information of his near concern in all his cousin's
affairs, and whose character she had no reason to question.
At one time she had almost resolved on applying to him, but
the idea was checked by the awkwardness of the application,
and at length wholly banished by the conviction that Mr. Darcy
would never have hazarded such a proposal if he had not been
well assured of his cousin's corroboration.
She perfectly remembered every thing that had passed in conversation
between Wickham and herself in their first evening at Mr. Philips's.
Many of his expressions were still fresh in her memory. She
was now struck with the impropriety of such communications
to a stranger, and wondered it had escaped her before. She
saw the indelicacy of putting himself forward as he had done,
and the inconsistency of his professions with his conduct.
She remembered that he had boasted of having no fear of seeing
Mr. Darcy—that Mr. Darcy might leave the country, but
that he should stand his ground; yet he had avoided
the Netherfield ball the very next week. She remembered also,
that till the Netherfield family had quitted the country, he
had told his story to no one but herself; but that after their
removal, it had been every where discussed; that he had then
no reserves, no scruples in sinking Mr. Darcy's character,
though he had assured her that respect for the father would
always prevent his exposing the son.
How differently did every thing now appear in which he was
concerned! His attentions to Miss King were now the consequence
of views solely and hatefully mercenary; and the mediocrity
of her fortune proved no longer the moderation of his wishes,
but his eagerness to grasp at any thing. His behaviour to herself
could now have had no tolerable motive; he had either been
deceived with regard to her fortune, or had been gratifying
his vanity by encouraging the preference which she believed
she had most incautiously shewn. Every lingering struggle in
his favour grew fainter and fainter; and in farther justification
of Mr. Darcy, she could not but allow that Mr. Bingley, when
questioned by Jane, had long ago asserted his blamelessness
in the affair; that, proud and repulsive as were his manners,
she had never, in the whole course of their acquaintance—an
acquaintance which had latterly brought them much together,
and given her a sort of intimacy with his ways—seen any
thing that betrayed him to be unprincipled or unjust—any
thing that spoke him of irreligious or immoral habits. That
among his own connections he was esteemed and valued—that
even Wickham had allowed him merit as a brother, and that she
had often heard him speak so affectionately of his sister as
to prove him capable of some amiable feeling. That
had his actions been what Wickham represented them, so gross
a violation of every thing right could hardly have been concealed
from the world; and that friendship between a person capable
of it, and such an amiable man as Mr. Bingley, was incomprehensible.
She grew absolutely ashamed of herself.—Of neither Darcy
nor Wickham could she think, without feeling that she had been
blind, partial, prejudiced, absurd.
"How despicably have I acted!" she cried.—"I, who have
prided myself on my discernment!—I, who have valued myself
on my abilities! who have often disdained the generous candour
of my sister, and gratified my vanity, in useless or blameable
distrust.—How humiliating is this discovery!—Yet,
how just a humiliation!—Had I been in love, I could not
have been more wretchedly blind. But vanity, not love, has
been my folly.—Pleased with the preference of one, and
offended by the neglect of the other, on the very beginning
of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance,
and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Till this
moment, I never knew myself."
From herself to Jane—from Jane to Bingley, her thoughts
were in a line which soon brought to her recollection that
Mr. Darcy's explanation there had appeared very insufficient;
and she read it again. Widely different was the effect of a
second perusal.—How could she deny that credit to his
assertions, in one instance, which she had been obliged to
give in the other?—He declared himself to have been totally
unsuspicious of her sister's attachment;—and she could
not help remembering what Charlotte's opinion had always been.—Neither
could she deny the justice of his description of Jane.—She
felt that Jane's feelings, though fervent, were little displayed,
and that there was a constant complacency in her air and manner
not often united with great sensibility.
When she came to that part of the letter in which her family
were mentioned, in terms of such mortifying yet merited reproach,
her sense of shame was severe. The justice of the charge struck
her too forcibly for denial, and the circumstances to which
he particularly alluded, as having passed at the Netherfield
ball, and as confirming all his first disapprobation, could
not have made a stronger impression on his mind than on hers.
The compliment to herself and her sister was not unfelt. It
soothed, but it could not console her for the contempt which
had been thus self-attracted by the rest of her family;—and
as she considered that Jane's disappointment had in fact been
the work of her nearest relations, and reflected how materially
the credit of both must be hurt by such impropriety of conduct,
she felt depressed beyond any thing she had ever known before.
After wandering along the lane for two hours, giving way to
every variety of thought; re-considering events, determining
probabilities, and reconciling herself, as well as she could,
to a change so sudden and so important, fatigue, and a recollection
of her long absence made her at length return home; and she
entered the house with the wish of appearing cheerful as usual,
and the resolution of repressing such reflections as must make
her unfit for conversation.
She was immediately told, that the two gentlemen from Rosings
had each called during her absence; Mr. Darcy, only for a few
minutes to take leave, but that Colonel Fitzwilliam had been
sitting with them at least an hour, hoping for her return,
and almost resolving to walk after her till she could be found.—Elizabeth
could but just affect concern in missing him; she
really rejoiced at it. Colonel Fitzwilliam was no longer an
object. She could think only of her letter.
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