Elizabeth awoke the next morning to the same thoughts and
meditations which had at length closed her eyes. She could
not yet recover from the surprise of what had happened; it
was impossible to think of any thing else, and, totally indisposed
for employment, she resolved soon after breakfast to indulge
herself in air and exercise. She was proceeding directly to
her favourite walk, when the recollection of Mr. Darcy's sometimes
coming there stopped her, and instead of entering the park,
she turned up the lane which led her farther from the turnpike
road. The park paling was still the boundary on one side, and
she soon passed one of the gates into the ground.
After walking two or three times along that part of the lane,
she was tempted, by the pleasantness of the morning, to stop
at the gates and look into the park. The five weeks which she
had now passed in Kent had made a great difference in the country,
and every day was adding to the verdure of the early trees.
She was on the point of continuing her walk, when she caught
a glimpse of a gentleman within the sort of grove which edged
the park; he was moving that way; and fearful of its being
Mr. Darcy, she was directly retreating. But the person who
advanced was now near enough to see her, and stepping forward
with eagerness, pronounced her name. She had turned away, but
on hearing herself called, though in a voice which proved it
to be Mr. Darcy, she moved again towards the gate. He had by
that time reached it also, and holding out a letter, which
she instinctively took, said with a look of haughty composure, "I
have been walking in the grove some time in the hope of meeting
you. Will you do me the honour of reading that letter?"—And
then, with a slight bow, turned again into the plantation,
and was soon out of sight.
With no expectation of pleasure, but with the strongest curiosity,
Elizabeth opened the letter, and, to her still increasing wonder,
perceived an envelope containing two sheets of letter paper,
written quite through, in a very close hand.—The envelope
itself was likewise full.—Pursuing her way along the
lane, she then began it. It was dated from Rosings, at eight
o'clock in the morning, and was as follows:
"Be not alarmed, Madam, on receiving this letter,
by the apprehension of its containing any repetition of those
sentiments, or renewal of those offers, which were last night
so disgusting to you. I write without any intention of paining
you, or humbling myself, by dwelling on wishes, which, for
the happiness of both, cannot be too soon forgotten; and the
effort which the formation and the perusal of this letter must
occasion should have been spared, had not my character required
it to be written and read. You must, therefore, pardon the
freedom with which I demand your attention; your feelings,
I know, will bestow it unwillingly, but I demand it of your
justice.
Two offences of a very different nature, and by no means
of equal magnitude, you last night laid to my charge. The
first mentioned was, that, regardless of the sentiments of
either, I had detached Mr. Bingley from your sister;—and
the other, that I had, in defiance of various claims, in
defiance of honour and humanity, ruined the immediate prosperity,
and blasted the prospects of Mr. Wickham.—Wilfully
and wantonly to have thrown off the companion of my youth,
the acknowledged favourite of my father, a young man who
had scarcely any other dependence than on our patronage,
and who had been brought up to expect its exertion, would
be a depravity to which the separation of two young persons,
whose affection could be the growth of only a few weeks,
could bear no comparison.—But from the severity of
that blame which was last night so liberally bestowed, respecting
each circumstance, I shall hope to be in future secured,
when the following account of my actions and their motives
has been read.—If, in the explanation of them which
is due to myself, I am under the necessity of relating feelings
which may be offensive to your's, I can only say that I am
sorry.—The necessity must be obeyed—and farther
apology would be absurd.—I had not been long in Hertfordshire,
before I saw, in common with others, that Bingley preferred
your eldest sister to any other young woman in the country.—But
it was not till the evening of the dance at Netherfield that
I had any apprehension of his feeling a serious attachment.—I
had often seen him in love before.—At that ball, while
I had the honour of dancing with you, I was first made acquainted,
by Sir William Lucas's accidental information, that Bingley's
attentions to your sister had given rise to a general expectation
of their marriage. He spoke of it as a certain event, of
which the time alone could be undecided. From that moment
I observed my friend's behaviour attentively; and I could
then perceive that his partiality for Miss Bennet was beyond
what I had ever witnessed in him. Your sister I also watched.—Her
look and manners were open, cheerful, and engaging as ever,
but without any symptom of peculiar regard, and I remained
convinced from the evening's scrutiny, that though she received
his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by
any participation of sentiment.—If you have
not been mistaken here, I must have been in an error.
Your superior knowledge of your sister must make the latter
probable.—If it be so, if I have been misled by such
error, to inflict pain on her, your resentment has not been
unreasonable. But I shall not scruple to assert that the
serenity of your sister's countenance and air was such as
might have given the most acute observer a conviction that,
however amiable her temper, her heart was not likely to be
easily touched.—That I was desirous of believing her
indifferent is certain,—but I will venture to say that
my investigations and decisions are not usually influenced
by my hopes or fears.—I did not believe her to be indifferent
because I wished it;—I believed it on impartial conviction,
as truly as I wished it in reason.—My objections to
the marriage were not merely those which I last night acknowledged
to have required the utmost force of passion to put aside
in my own case; the want of connection could not be so great
an evil to my friend as to me.—But there were other
causes of repugnance;—causes which, though still existing,
and existing to an equal degree in both instances, I had
myself endeavoured to forget, because they were not immediately
before me.—These causes must be stated, though briefly.—The
situation of your mother's family, though objectionable,
was nothing in comparison of that total want of propriety
so frequently, so almost uniformly, betrayed by herself,
by your three younger sisters, and occasionally even by your
father.—Pardon me.—It pains me to offend you.
But amidst your concern for the defects of your nearest relations,
and your displeasure at this representation of them, let
it give you consolation to consider that to have conducted
yourselves so as to avoid any share of the like censure is
praise no less generally bestowed on you and your eldest
sister, than it is honourable to the sense and disposition
of both.—I will only say farther that, from what passed
that evening, my opinion of all parties was confirmed, and
every inducement heightened, which could have led me before
to preserve my friend from what I esteemed a most unhappy
connection.—He left Netherfield for London, on the
day following, as you, I am certain, remember, with the design
of soon returning. —
The part which I acted is now to be explained.—His
sisters' uneasiness had been equally excited with my own;
our coincidence of feeling was soon discovered; and, alike
sensible that no time was to be lost in detaching their brother,
we shortly resolved on joining him directly in London.—We
accordingly went—and there I readily engaged in the
office of pointing out to my friend, the certain evils of
such a choice.—I described, and enforced them earnestly.—But,
however this remonstrance might have staggered or delayed
his determination, I do not suppose that it would ultimately
have prevented the marriage, had it not been seconded by
the assurance, which I hesitated not in giving, of your sister's
indifference. He had before believed her to return his affection
with sincere, if not with equal, regard.—But Bingley
has great natural modesty, with a stronger dependence on
my judgment than on his own.—To convince him, therefore,
that he had deceived himself, was no very difficult point.
To persuade him against returning into Hertfordshire, when
that conviction had been given, was scarcely the work of
a moment.—I cannot blame myself for having done thus
much. There is but one part of my conduct in the whole affair,
on which I do not reflect with satisfaction; it is that I
condescended to adopt the measures of art so far as to conceal
from him your sister's being in town. I knew it myself, as
it was known to Miss Bingley, but her brother is even yet
ignorant of it.—That they might have met without ill
consequence is, perhaps, probable;—but his regard did
not appear to me enough extinguished for him to see her without
some danger.—Perhaps this concealment, this disguise,
was beneath me.—It is done, however, and it was done
for the best.—On this subject I have nothing more to
say, no other apology to offer. If I have wounded your sister's
feelings, it was unknowingly done; and though the motives
which governed me may to you very naturally appear insufficient,
I have not yet learnt to condemn them. —
With respect to that other, more weighty accusation, of
having injured Mr. Wickham, I can only refute it by laying
before you the whole of his connection with my family. Of
what he has particularly accused me, I am ignorant;
but of the truth of what I shall relate, I can summon more
than one witness of undoubted veracity. Mr. Wickham is the
son of a very respectable man, who had for many years the
management of all the Pemberley estates; and whose good conduct
in the discharge of his trust naturally inclined my father
to be of service to him; and on George Wickham, who was his
god-son, his kindness was therefore liberally bestowed. My
father supported him at school, and afterwards at Cambridge;—most
important assistance, as his own father, always poor from
the extravagance of his wife, would have been unable to give
him a gentleman's education. My father was not only fond
of this young man's society, whose manners were always engaging;
he had also the highest opinion of him, and hoping the church
would be his profession, intended to provide for him in it.
As for myself, it is many, many years since I first began
to think of him in a very different manner. The vicious propensities—the
want of principle, which he was careful to guard from the
knowledge of his best friend, could not escape the observation
of a young man of nearly the same age with himself, and who
had opportunities of seeing him in unguarded moments, which
Mr. Darcy could not have. Here again I shall give you pain—to
what degree you only can tell. But whatever may be the sentiments
which Mr. Wickham has created, a suspicion of their nature
shall not prevent me from unfolding his real character. It
adds even another motive. My excellent father died about
five years ago; and his attachment to Mr. Wickham was to
the last so steady, that in his will he particularly recommended
it to me to promote his advancement in the best manner that
his profession might allow, and, if he took orders, desired
that a valuable family living might be his as soon as it
became vacant. There was also a legacy of one thousand pounds.
His own father did not long survive mine, and within half
a year from these events Mr. Wickham wrote to inform me that,
having finally resolved against taking orders, he hoped I
should not think it unreasonable for him to expect some more
immediate pecuniary advantage, in lieu of the preferment
by which he could not be benefited. He had some intention,
he added, of studying the law, and I must be aware that the
interest of one thousand pounds would be a very insufficient
support therein. I rather wished than believed him to be
sincere; but, at any rate, was perfectly ready to accede
to his proposal. I knew that Mr. Wickham ought not to be
a clergyman. The business was therefore soon settled. He
resigned all claim to assistance in the church, were it possible
that he could ever be in a situation to receive it, and accepted
in return three thousand pounds. All connection between us
seemed now dissolved. I thought too ill of him to invite
him to Pemberley, or admit his society in town. In town,
I believe, he chiefly lived, but his studying the law was
a mere pretence, and being now free from all restraint, his
life was a life of idleness and dissipation. For about three
years I heard little of him; but on the decease of the incumbent
of the living which had been designed for him, he applied
to me again by letter for the presentation. His circumstances,
he assured me, and I had no difficulty in believing it, were
exceedingly bad. He had found the law a most unprofitable
study, and was now absolutely resolved on being ordained,
if I would present him to the living in question—of
which he trusted there could be little doubt, as he was well
assured that I had no other person to provide for, and I
could not have forgotten my revered father's intentions.
You will hardly blame me for refusing to comply with this
entreaty, or for resisting every repetition of it. His resentment
was in proportion to the distress of his circumstances—and
he was doubtless as violent in his abuse of me to others,
as in his reproaches to myself. After this period, every
appearance of acquaintance was dropt. How he lived I know
not. But last summer he was again most painfully obtruded
on my notice. I must now mention a circumstance which I would
wish to forget myself, and which no obligation less than
the present should induce me to unfold to any human being.
Having said thus much, I feel no doubt of your secrecy. My
sister, who is more than ten years my junior, was left to
the guardianship of my mother's nephew, Colonel Fitzwilliam,
and myself. About a year ago, she was taken from school,
and an establishment formed for her in London; and last summer
she went with the lady who presided over it, to Ramsgate;
and thither also went Mr. Wickham, undoubtedly by design;
for there proved to have been a prior acquaintance between
him and Mrs. Younge, in whose character we were most unhappily
deceived; and by her connivance and aid he so far recommended
himself to Georgiana, whose affectionate heart retained a
strong impression of his kindness to her as a child, that
she was persuaded to believe herself in love, and to consent
to an elopement. She was then but fifteen, which must be
her excuse; and after stating her imprudence, I am happy
to add that I owed the knowledge of it to herself. I joined
them unexpectedly a day or two before the intended elopement;
and then Georgiana, unable to support the idea of grieving
and offending a brother whom she almost looked up to as a
father, acknowledged the whole to me. You may imagine what
I felt and how I acted. Regard for my sister's credit and
feelings prevented any public exposure, but I wrote to Mr.
Wickham, who left the place immediately, and Mrs. Younge
was of course removed from her charge. Mr. Wickham's chief
object was unquestionably my sister's fortune, which is thirty
thousand pounds; but I cannot help supposing that the hope
of revenging himself on me was a strong inducement. His revenge
would have been complete indeed.
This, madam, is a faithful narrative of every event in which
we have been concerned together; and if you do not absolutely
reject it as false, you will, I hope, acquit me henceforth
of cruelty towards Mr. Wickham. I know not in what manner,
under what form of falsehood, he has imposed on you; but
his success is not, perhaps, to be wondered at. Ignorant
as you previously were of every thing concerning either,
detection could not be in your power, and suspicion certainly
not in your inclination. You may possibly wonder why all
this was not told you last night. But I was not then master
enough of myself to know what could or ought to be revealed.
For the truth of every thing here related, I can appeal more
particularly to the testimony of Colonel Fitzwilliam, who
from our near relationship and constant intimacy, and still
more as one of the executors of my father's will, has been
unavoidably acquainted with every particular of these transactions.
If your abhorrence of me should make my assertions
valueless, you cannot be prevented by the same cause from
confiding in my cousin; and that there may be the possibility
of consulting him, I shall endeavour to find some opportunity
of putting this letter in your hands in the course of the
morning. I will only add, God bless you.
Fitzwilliam Darcy."
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